Computers may be twice as fast as they were in 1973, but the average voter is as drunk and stupid as ever. The only one who’s changed is me. I’ve become more bitter and, let’s face it, crazy over the years. And when I’m swept into office, I’ll sell our children’s organs to zoos for meat, and I’ll go into people’s houses at night and wreck up the place!

Once upon a time I was a nobody. Now I run as anybody. Tomorrow I become somebody.

Dalai-lamai’ing your way out of term limits