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Joined 2 years ago
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Cake day: June 4th, 2023

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  • Yes, the fear is typically that we don’t want to be accused of following you, sneaking up on you, or being creepy, so there is usually some noise or overt thing we do to try to imply we are just minding our own business.

    Sometimes to avoid the situation all together, (let’s say I am walking home at night and I see some woman walking the same direction ahead of me, and I know I am going to end up passing her because my pace is faster), then we will literally cross the street just so that we don’t have to be put in the awkward situation of walking up to and past you at 3 am on a public sidewalk.

    There are other things beyond this as well that men do or avoid doing which women might not realize. Most men in my experience are really careful to never be left alone with children for example. No one blinks an eye if a woman is, but men have learned to avoid potential false accusations in this way as well.

    A lot of men are fearful to do something as simple as taking their kids to the park because of this. You can search for articles in which fathers who take their own kids to the park have been accused of being pedophiles just for sitting on a bench while their children play, or accused of kidnapping just because they are an adult man with a child in public. You won’t find any articles about this happening with a woman.


  • Thank you, and I am glad to hear that you were recently reminded of something you had love for. I had a similar experience when joining Lemmy about 2 years ago. It drove me to begin keeping a general book for journaling.

    To that end, if you intend to take your rediscovery of your love of writing further, a recommendation of mine would be to find both a book and pen that you like. Something with a cover or paper which you enjoy, and something which makes it feel easy and smooth to write with. In doing this I have found that it has reminded me to write and allows me to enjoy doing so much more.

    In my case I found a green, hard covered book, with a relief of a tree on the front. The cover has a soft wrap which makes it feel good to hold and warm to the touch. It has two tongues for keeping place.

    My pen is a very cheap but nicely made Muji brand aluminum fountain pen with which I use Waterman black ink. It writes smoothly and the pages soak the ink in well. It is also not so expensive that I would be worried if I lost it. It has a knurling which makes it easy to hold, and the cap posts in the back in an unconventional manner.

    I have found writing for myself has helped me when writing for others, the only difficult part was remembering to begin.


  • golden_zealot@lemmy.mltoAsklemmy@lemmy.mlAny tips for a new user?
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    2 days ago

    Understand this is not reddit. There is no “reddit hivemind” on Lemmy because Lemmy is federated. You will find that this type of thing still exists within certain instances in various ways, but know that you are leaving a single large echo chamber and entering into a series of smaller, federated echo chambers. There is much more representation of human beings with differing morals, ideals, and beliefs here as compared to reddit.

    Based on my own experience, you would do well by yourself to learn to not take what other people are thinking personally. You don’t have to believe in what anyone else thinks, but other people don’t have to believe in what you think either. Don’t make the mistake of believing you know what is best, or that you know everything.

    I have seen this have a culture shock effect on newer users, because they often expect that everyone thinks, says, does, or feels all the same or similar things as them about anything and everything, and quickly find out that it is not necessarily the case here.

    An example of this I have seen on multiple occasions is where new users are shocked when they make a post about wanting some kind of change to the entire platform “to attract users”, and are quickly informed that many user’s do not necessarily want, or care that the platform attracts users, because for many, that is not the point of the software Lemmy, rather that is the point for a business like reddit. If a user really wants some huge change, usually the response is for them to make an account on an existing instance like what they are looking for, or to host their own.

    You will find much more actual individualism on Lemmy. It is important to be aware that not only is everyone not the same, but that they don’t have to be either.

    People are also less likely to react positively to comments that are not offering actual thought. If you enter a thread to comment “this”, or just to make jokes without a point, you may find you receive a different reaction than what you would receive on reddit.

    Do not read a title or a comment, hammer a reply into your keyboard, and then hit send so that you can move on to more content faster, like other social media has trained you to.

    Read posts and comments and think about them. Weigh your replies. If you think you know the point you want to get across, consider what responses others may have, adjust what you are writing until you believe your reply thoroughly covers what you actually think about the subject matter as whole with consideration to what you think might be follow up questions and others thoughts, and then send it.

    Of course if you have further thoughts later on, feel free to edit what you said to clarify or add to your thought (as I am doing this very moment, 40 minutes later).

    Lemmy is an excellent opportunity to practice communication, because as it stands, you will find the degree of conversation is much more engaging than what reddit turned into over time. If you have a well thought out, beautiful, or powerful thing to say and go through the trouble of saying it well, you may find you are rewarded by someone else doing the same in return.

    Just because the format is similar to that of reddit does not mean that Lemmy is the same platform.

    In short I feel that Lemmy is not a platform that is there to work for you necessarily, instead it is a platform that enables you to work on yourself. But only if you will let it.