Not a parent but I read this and have my personal opinions, curious what others think about it.
I raised my kids to be independent and was not very controlling - they think I was pretty hands off because they don’t remember the earliest years - but I can’t imagine doing that without literally teaching them what was reasonable behavior for different spaces. We did restaurant training, sit in your chair, use the utensils, don’t yell. In stores, “put your hands behind” was the cue, not “don’t touch” because it’s easier to tell them to do something than to not do something.
At the park though? My only rule was don’t show off, don’t do anything to show off. If you want to climb the tree because you want to climb the tree, go for it but no “look at me I’m in the tree” because then you will probably go past what’s safe for you. When they fell down while running ask “you gonna be ok?” not “are you ok?”
Compared to their friends’ parents, the younger ones think I’m nearly neglectful but it’s more than my mom did, parenting right now while there are fewer kids around us so weird. So many parents are so controlling even of their high schoolers. You are trying to raise competent adults, they have to have the space to make decisions and mistakes to do that.
1- this is cursed
2- i dont think this belongs in asklemmy
What community would be more appropriate? I’m pretty loose with fediverse communities. I’d rather throw more content up even if it’s not the best fit just to give Lemmy more content and this post got a shitton of interaction
ive neer seen link posts on asklemmy, and its generally used for self posts. i think its probably more of a fit in a curiosity comm. this kind of controversial but kind of funny takes do well in shitposting comms too.
it did appear to have sparked some discussion here now so actually on second tought, why not keep it here.
The framing of this article is all wrong. There aren’t just two choices: discipline or wild abandon. There’s times and places for both. Five pm at the colorful hippy burrito spot with dinosaur toys and a large play area, let them run free. Out at a special dinner with family bring them with, set your timer for their ability to keep it together and make adjustments as needed. If they don’t meet the standard, thats cool. Not their fault and probably not even your fault. Do a vibe check and leave if needed.
Hell, I’m all for your kid doing frog jumps down the grocery aisle, but be a sentinal and see if there’s a person in that aisle that would care. You can read the people who are delighted by the child’s exuberance and those who want nothing to do with it. I’m not a big fan of screens, but they have their time and place like on the six hour flight.
Any case, there’s only so much you can do when parenting. Creating a safe connection for them is so important and then trusting you to see them, receive them, and make the unknown a little bit safer is all a tall task.
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Fine, but don’t get mad when I laugh at them tripping and falling.
The author admits to have let their kids, who are 2yo and 4yo roam free in restaurants to the point they have ended up in the kitchen, that right there tells you how responsible of a parent she is and how good of an approach hers is.
That’s wild lol, I’d be way too embarrassed.
Do people not have the experience of peeking into the restaurant kitchen growing up?
One year I was on an elementary school trip at this restaurant that did a little historical show along with the meal, with a lot of crowd interaction, and I got caught up in acting out my role and went into the kitchen at which point I was immediately told that was off-limits, and I never did it again.
Not the same thing as letting a 2-year-old into a kitchen though. But I definitely explored and learned what was appropriate and what wasn’t as I grew up.
I say fuck people like this. And if you are people like this, then fuck you too.
Public space is for public, not just your kids. If you let your kids run wild, then you are sacrificing other people’s freedom.
Also, this is how entitled little bitches are created. Do you want your kid to be an entitled little bitch?
I had a glorious moment at a restaurant with my extended family where there was a large group with kids at the next table letting them run riot. The parents were all nursing huge glasses of white wine and chatting away while the kids bothered other diners, waiters, etc.
At the end of the meal, after paying the bill, my uncle went over to the parents and told them their kids had ruined our meal. One of the parents tried to protest that he’d obviously never had kids. He responds, “I raised 3 kids and none of them ever behaved as badly as yours have done this afternoon.” Mic drop; my party left.
My hero!
It was British high drama
I’m a parent and do not agree with this approach. Everyone should behave in public - and kids should practice so they can learn. At home, my kids get to behave like animals and we do things where they can behave like kids, like trampoline park, zoo, the arcade, etc. When we are out at places where the kids should behave, we bring them iPads and headphones so they are able to make it through the activity. But it is just rude to let your kid intrude and ruin a dinner, museum, movie, etc for others.
They had to use a lazy Photoshop of kids running wild in a museum, because literally any museum can, should, and would kick them out immediately.
Not reading the article (why is an article even posted here) but the author is at best writing an article they know will piss people off.
It’s rage bait, which is likely why OP posted it
If you actually read it (or at least half of it, it was too long for me to finish) the author isn’t letting them play tag in a museum or anything crazy like that. There are people that do that kind of stuff, and there are limits to how wild your kids should get, but the author sounds like a reasonable parent comparing themselves to an unreasonable standard that they assume others are comparing them to.
Honestly, I couldn’t tell if I would be annoyed by how they handled their children or not. They are certainly not an unbiased source, and they could either be exaggerating how wild their children are in public, or oblivious to how bad they are. One would have to see it in person to know.
Very true. People over react in both directions on this.
I understand the thought process and agree to a point - kids are definitely on too tight of leashes these days.
That said, everything I read in that article tells me that the author is a fucking horrible parent and I wouldn’t want to ever be in 1000 feet of her demons.
Yes, your kids should have some freedom. No, they shouldn’t actively be bothering everyone around them every moment they’re out of the house. Teach them respect and kindness, too.
A bit hyperbolic but something I have noticed in a lot of this parenting style tips are that either the kid needs to be padded up head to toe on a leash glued to their parent 24/7 or they should be allowed run wild screaming at the top of their lungs at restaurants and museums.
There is very little in-between, unless you find the sane person in the comments. Kinda like a lot of things nowadays, sadly.
The author’s critical approach to what is ‘polite’ is all well and good, but I have reservations about what she considers the limit.
As for the ‘doing no harm to others’, she must recognize that the harm her children do may not be readily apparent. When I’ve got a massive migrane, I don’t want to hear her kids screaming in the next booth over, but I also don’t want to have to confront her about it and risk her screaming also. Better to sit and suffer until I can’t.
An unintended side effect of making backyards a luxury item, public spaces a pay-to-play, and community playgrounds homeless shelters
My questions to the author would be:
“what happens when your kids get hurt because they were someplace kids weren’t expected to be, or doing something they weren’t expected to be doing?” Do you, the parent, rush to their aid and castigate the adult that was near them or that was the initial cause of the physcial harm? Do you apologize to the adult instead? How about if they break things? Do you immediately open your wallet and start handing out cash or do you fall back on “they’re just kids” and let others shoulder the burden of property loss because your choices?
Our 5 kids are grown, but there’s no way in hell I’d have let them run wild. When parents do that, it is one of the most annoying things about going places in public. It seems every time we go to eat someplace, a family with a gaggle of rowdy kids gets seated immediately near us.
Don’t have to deal with this anymore, because mine are all at least tweenage.
It’s a balancing act, and sometimes running around a little is fine this day in this space, but not another day in a similar space.
I’m not going to act like I’ve never given my kids an iPad to keep them quiet for a while, but it would be refreshing to see MORE kids playing trains and Hot Wheels instead of sitting in front of a screen.
It’s much harder for the kids to create their own fun when a device just spews nonstop entertainment at then. Why use your own imagination, when there’s always someone else’s available to watch, play, listen to?
There’s a HUGE gray area between “children should be silent and invisible” and “HOW DID YOU GET ON THE ROOF OF WALMART?!?”. Neither of those extremes are good, and sometimes, as parents we learn during or afterwards that maybe this wasn’t the best place to play Hot Wheels. But a lot of the time, it’s not hurting anyone.
I worked for a while at a summer camp that didn’t allow phones, and kids loved it … if they could make it through the first two days.
Like you said, kids love being able to make their own fun, but it’s hard to compete with an iPad, and not always appropriate given the context (like if you are in a library you have to be quiet).
I definitely think kids should get more opportunities to play and make their own fun in unstructured but supervised settings – where the adults are there for safety but not telling the kids how to play.
