A very large breakfast burrito, maybe.

I think the “with a massive arsenal” is a big part of the problem for a lot of people. I am absolutely certain Trump, and most of his administration, wouldn’t think twice about using that arsenal against Americans. He would love that shit, frankly, and the vast majority of Republicans would cheer it on. Shit, they’re threatening to send people to El Salvador for misdemeanors because it’s hurting Elon’s fee-fees. How do you get people motivated to fight what feels like a completely futile battle when the danger isn’t really hypothetical and the odds of success are far from guaranteed?

Plenty of countries in similar states don’t rise up for many years because it takes that long for desperation to kick in, or there’s an initial fight that’s brutally put down and then those that are left put their heads down and focus on survival. Our first civil war happened on relatively even ground. This one would be so one-sided that it’s not even funny.

I don’t say this to discourage people or suggest we shouldn’t at least try to make a difference. But it is the reality and it’s something I’m struggling with. I don’t know how willing I am to die for a country I’m only sometimes welcome in.

That’s the thing - this is only barely not normal. It’s definitely more in your face, and a lot tackier, but the US has never been great, at least not for anyone straight, white, male, and relatively well off. Our history started with theft and genocide and continued on in that vein. While there have obviously been improvements over the last few hundred years, large portions of the population have had to be dragged kicking and screaming toward every bit of it. Even most of our best presidents have been responsible for atrocities, and then the pendulum always seems to swing back toward the worst of us for a while.

Now we have a population that has been systematically under- or uneducated and fed a steady diet of propaganda about how incredible this country is without any critical thought, and they blame anyone not just like them for any of their problems instead of ever paying attention to the wealthy ransacking the place. The vast majority of them cannot be reasoned with, because Republicans have spent decades making sure they don’t have the skills or desire to look at new evidence and change their minds.

It’s hard to come to terms with the fact that at least a third of my fellow Americans don’t think I should exist as a queer person, and another third don’t give enough of a fuck to bother taking any kind of stand. It’s hard to watch every institution we’ve been assured would provide some kind of checks and balances fail as soon as someone decides they’re no longer going to abide by any norms. Any meaningful action is likely to end up in a lot of death and if I thought this was a bizarre one off instead of something way too many people are rooting for, it would be a lot easier to think that sacrifice was worth it. It feels pretty hopeless at this point. My only real motivation is trying to use the little bit of privilege I have to try to help my community, but I know it’s not enough.