When I was a teenager, I thought people in their 20’s were the most attractive. Now that I’m about 40, I still think people in their 20’s are the most attractive. It’s hard for me to believe that I might ever be attracted to someone past retirement age, even when I’m past retirement age myself, unless the person is like one of those celebrities who look way younger than they are.
This isn’t something I can comfortably ask most older people I know, but there’s one man who admits that he isn’t and one woman who is. Which is more normal?
Are you talking about physical attraction or emotional attraction? The peak for most people physically is in their late 20s IMO but as I have gotten older Im more interested in spending time with my peers than a hot twenty something. The emotional attraction matters to me a lot more now.
What do you mean by “emotional attraction”? I enjoy spending time with my good friends, and I would even say that I love them in the way that friends love each other, but I am not attracted to them.
All the aspects of romantic attraction that aren’t physical?
But are you saying that there can be romantic attraction without significant physical aspects, or are you talking about romantic attraction with fewer (but still some) physical aspects but more emotional ones?
Fewer physical and more emotional.
It’s hard for me to believe that I might ever be attracted to someone past retirement age
If you’re looking for a connection beyond just physical, someone drastically younger (yet still an adult) is missing much of the life experience you have. They maybe unrealistically idealistic. They may not have experienced other cultures. They may take religion at face value as the truth. All of these things are usually things that change with age. I think I would run out of patience interacting with someone that wasn’t my peer in life as a partner.
I’ve always been attracted to folks with cute & youthful vibe. But when I was a teen that was pretty restricted to other teens, even the ‘young looking’ twenty year olds who were playing high-school students on TV obviously looked older and therefore less attractive to me.
But now I’m in my 40s my range of who looks youthful and hot is much wider. Now I find 20s hotter than teens, 30s can look pretty youthful, and I’m not super attracted to older people, but I find them less gross because I’m used to what older bodies look like (I have one!). And since physical attractiveness is just one part of overall attraction, I’d probably find a cute & 39 person more overall attractive than cute & 19, just because my experience is that most 39 year olds are funnier and more socially skilled than teenagers.
I can’t imagine every finding a 70 year old hotter on a physical level to 20 year old. But I can imagine being so content and in love with my elderly partner that I didn’t care that much.
I’m definitely not old (~30), and my preference has generally been my age +/- 5 years.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve noticed that my sexual attraction has migrated from being solely based on physical attributes to being partially based emotional connection, intelligence, passion, etc.
I think it’s also important to note that an individual’s “peak attractiveness” can occur at different stages of their life.
What I find attractive has generally increased as I’ve gotten older. Now that I’m a dad I’m my 30’s moms in their 30’s are way more attractive to me than when I was a teen. I live in a college town, and sure the college girls are really pretty. Buts it’s different now that I’m older. I don’t really want to be involved romantically with them anymore. They feel too much like kids. Still pretty, but not for me.
As others have alluded to, your question requires a distinction: are you talking about wanting to date or wanting to fuck?
Romantic attraction is based on the full package. Yes, their appearance matters, but so does their personality, their hobbies and interests, their emotional maturity, their ability to hold a conversation, their experiences and worldview, etc.
Sexiness is just about physical appearance. How their body looks, facial structure, the way they do their hair, their posture and confidence, their clothes, etc.
I’m a dude, just north of 40. I think peak physical attraction is a woman who’s 18-25, brunette, slim and toned, small to medium breasts, I’m not much of an ass man, etc.
But, I’m a middle aged dude. Would I want to date most women that age? Hellllllll no. My gf is 5 years younger than me and even that small of a gap has shown some differences in things like pop culture references and lived experiences. I can’t imagine easily connecting with someone that young.
I don’t see how I could have a romantic relationship with someone I didn’t want to have sex with. The man I mentioned who is no longer attracted to women his age does have a woman his age in his life who was his girlfriend when they met 25 years ago and the two of them still enjoy spending time together, but they no longer have a physical relationship although he does still have a sex drive. He’s sad about this but accepts it as the way things are for older people. I don’t know how she feels.
I can understand how you don’t want to date someone a lot younger than you, although I don’t have any personal experience with that - I’ve never had a partner more than a couple of years younger than I am. However, I’m a man who has had little in common with most of the women I’ve dated, simply because I have little in common with most women. (My hobbies might be crudely called “autistic”.) Thus, for me dating has involved finding women I get along with surprisingly well despite having so little in common.
Maybe I also wouldn’t enjoy the company of someone a lot younger than me, but the main problems I foresee are that (1) no one like that would want to date me and (2) even if I found someone like that who wanted to date me now then I doubt she would still want to date me when I was old as opposed to just middle-aged.
Dunno, I find myself being less and less attracted to anybody more than 5-6 years younger than me.
You have to stop and think about what is really sexy.
Is it sexy when someone pretends to be into you? Most people would agree not.
A person 20 years younger than you, are they really attracted to you? Do they really know you? Do they really want to be with YOU?
Once sex becomes about the intimate connection and not just the physical bumpin uglies, it changes.
That said, looking at porn and fantasizing you can pretend to be any age you want. Thus, you may find yourself thinking you are not attracted to people your own age if you are only looking at porn of the “hottest” people.
I’m 40, and I’m really only attracted to people my age, maybe late 30s, but much younger than that and I’m really not into it. This has been pretty consistent my whole life, of course I had crushes in school, but after being a teen probably around 22+ I Really wasn’t interested in teens. But 30 I was not interested in 20s. If I had to find someone, which I’m really not anticipating, I wouldn’t bother dating someone younger than 35-38 through whatever 45-50 range.
Hard to tell what is ‘normal’. Humans can be extremely diverse in their preferences and views.
I am about the same age as you. 20 to 30 year olds are most attractive to me in general too.
Xaviera Hollander said it best.
“A man isn’t old until there are no women his own age who excite him. A woman is old the first time she looks for clothes that make her look younger.”
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at least you aren’t 60 and only find people under 15 attractive
No, it just becomes a more suitable option. It’s important for the survival of a species to mate as soon as ready, so there is some natural attraction towards that age. There are often outliers, of course. They are natures way of probing for better ages.
to mate as soon as ready, so there is some natural attraction towards that age.
Are you sure?
It sounds more like a death sentence than a survival mechanism in this economy.
