In high school I had a crush on this girl who had something on her Facebook about really liking gummy worms. I read that, thought “this is my in” so I bought a bag of gummy worms. Honestly, not a bad plan. Next time I saw her, I pulled out my bag of gummy worms and ate a couple.
Did I offer her a gummy worm? No. I was under the impression that she’d see me eating them and say “hey, you like gummy worms too?” And then we’d start chatting and [something] and then we’d start going out.
Never gets old
You’re already messaging them. Why must you need to message them on Snapchat?
To send nudes
Putting on big muscles is for the boys, real girls don’t actually like it.
Plus of course if you don’t put on stupid amounts of muscle you retain the ability to scratch your own nose. Seriously some of the guys at the gym, watching them try their names is a site to behold. The ideal body shape is not the Hulk
Same with beards. You’ll get a lot of attention with a nice beard, but not many girls perse
I will say as a trans chick who used to have a denial beard, women did love it, but that’s because I conditioned it. I got so many comments about how they wished more beards were that soft.
Mind you, I also followed rules 1 and 2
Mind you, I also followed rules 1 and 2
-
A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
-
A robot must obey orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
?
Rule 1: be attractive Rule 2: don’t be unattractive
-
I don’t know what real means anymore
In this case real means not emotionally stunted.
I was out with my friends once in my early twenties, drunk at the limit between “flying high on wings of booze” and “incoherent mass of sick and confusion.”
There was this girl who kept catching my eye every time I saw her out and about, and this time she happened to be at the same dive as us. I finally decided to try talking to her, so I kinda’ awkwardly accosted her at the bar and I think I started pulling my “over-the-top intellectual” bit for a laugh.
Somehow, it worked! We kept chatting (she was buzzed but significantly more sober than I was), we kept laughing, then she asked me to accompany her on an ATM trip after a while. Now, I’d completely lost my capacity for reading between the lines at this point, so I just took it as a generic action. About midway through the trip, she started pulling in very close to me, my current guess being that she had intended to try smooching. My drunk brain thought “oh, she must be feeling the drag, we need to keep her blood pumping.” So I called a race, last one to the ATM is a rotten egg.
Again, surprisingly, she was into it! I could hear her giggling as I was pulling away. I was running like a madman, I could feel my legs moving by themselves. I was a beast, a high-performance machine, a force of nature! Almost started congratulating myself for being such an irresistible hunk, when suddenly I could feel the curb grabbing my left foot. I plunged forward, but luckily my stage fighting reflexes kicked in and I completely unexpectedly started doing landing rolls. I literally rolled the rest of the way to the ATM - about 4-5 meters, not kidding, I’d picked up some serious speed while galloping like a horse on coke. She won and was laughing her ass off, the alcohol inside me had been angered and my brain was oatmeal.
I don’t remember many details after that. What I will say, though, is that it worked! Also, that I never again tried wooing or racing anyone while drunk.
This is what I visit Lemmy for
So the curb (being a metaphor for mankind) caught your leg (a metaphor for the undertaker), and plunged you towards an ATM (colloquially referred to as “an announcers table” in some circles). A bit cryptic but I got it.
I was waiting for this to be a setup and you get mugged to withdraw from your ATM. Glad it turned out better lol.
Ah, I remember being this age. Thanks for the story, it took me to a really special place.
We really are a unique animal aren’t we?
10/10 game
The correct assumption when you see frank red blood on exertion is either lung injury/infection/cancer or terminal alcoholism. It’s usually the later.
well I mean if she left even without notifying staff or anyone that is a pretty clear red flag but then again so is spurting fake blood to get attention. so maybe they would have made a nice match.
that is a pretty clear red flag
This isn’t a red flag, this is a predictable psychological response:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bystander_effect
The bystander effect, or bystander apathy, is a social psychological theory that states that individuals are less likely to offer help to a victim in the presence of other people.
I imagine anon just staring down this woman as they puke up blood.
It’s funny this was around the same time as movies like Evil Dead which set the record (till 2020s atleast) for the amount of fake blood used. I guess it was a thing that excited people quite a lot at the time lol
They both dodged bullets.
This seems like something they should probably see a therapist about? That doesn’t seem like the behavior of a healthy mind.
Well it is 4chan.
good point, what am I saying?
Look, I’m an autistic fuck who can barely speak to people, but even I’ve never considered coughing up blood as a conversation starter.
I want a version of that appropriate/inappropriate meme but with the guys coughing up blood and both pictures labeled “inappropriate”.
Don’t let your memes be dreams
